What Kept Me From Being Happy

Things that kept me from achieving happiness:
- Pleasing others
- Scared of what other people think
- Scared to go after my goals
- Feeling it was too late for me to achieve the life I wanted


It has been extremely hard to change my mindset and putting myself, my goals in life, and my well being first. Pleasing others and making sure everyone around me is happy tends to take away from making myself happy. There is nothing wrong with caring about your friends and family but taking care of yourself first should always be your first priority. If you were the best possible version of yourself, think of how much more you could help others! Loving yourself and being happy in your own skin and with your own life will ultimately allow you to project that onto other people.

As someone with anxiety, caring about what other people think of me has consumed my life. It has pushed me into paths of life that I wasn't sure I was supposed to be on. It has made me question what type of person I am to my core. Unfortunately it has made me second guess my worthiness as a person, student, athlete, friend, girlfriend and daughter. Caring about what other people think has been the death of me. It held me back from trying things and pursuing goals I had for myself. It is like Rachel Hollis says (if you don't know her I suggest you look her up), you do not have a fear of failure, you have a fear of failing in front of other people and what they will think about you. But the bottom line is who the hell cares. It has taken me a long time to start a blog out of people's opinions but it has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my life.

Learning to be confident in myself and the choices I make in life has been a struggle for as long as I can remember. Looking in the mirror and not being completely confident in myself physically and mentally has caused a lot of negativity in my life. With lots of practice and slowly doing things I love versus those that I feel I must be doing, I have slowly gotten closer and closer to becoming confident in myself. A lot of my happiness stems from confidence in myself.

I am slowly learning to take the opportunities life gives me. Instead of wondering what is important to other people, I need to start looking inside myself for what I think is important. I have always had a dream of becoming a strong voice as a mental health and wellness advocate. But with that I have struggled with the judgements of others which has held me back in chasing my goals in life. I gave begun to take steps forward in the right direction by choosing myself and what I want over others opinions of me and what I am doing.

Too long have I allowed others opinions of me stop me from chasing my dreams and being happy. I am making it a priority to put myself out there and take chances and risks. I hope whoever is reading this can look at themselves and think about whether they are living their best life or not. And I hope you can start choosing your happiness over others opinions.

Until next time,
Xo,
Dani

Journey to Happiness

Happiness can be a state of mind and a state of well being.
For some of us this state is hard to achieve on a daily basis.
It's not that we don't want to be happy.
But sometimes it is physically not possible that day.

Wanting to be happy but feeling like I physically can't has been one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. Sometimes it feels like I am incapable of achieving something I want so badly because of a constant battle in my mind telling me I simply don't deserve it.

I am on a journey of feeling happy and accomplished. I am in pursuit of finding the things that feed my soul, that keep me grounded, and keep me wanting more.

Something I have learned about myself recently is that I am powered by the feeling that I have accomplished something. This could be small in the sense that I make a list of a few things I want to get done that day and check them all off. Going for a walk while listening to an inspiring podcast, cleaning my room and making myself a meal are some of the things that make me feel good.

It is often forgotten that completing small tasks during a day and getting yourself moving can up lift your mood. It is tough somedays when your staring at a wall and can't help but spiral with negative emotions and thoughts. The easiest way for me to get out of that spiral is turning on an inspirational podcast. This allows me to still lay in bed but instead of listening to my negative thoughts I can start listening to the positive up lifting voice of someone else. While listening I like to make my list of what I will accomplish. By this point my mindset has changed and I can take on the tasks at hand.

Finding loop holes in your negative cycles to snap yourself out of it can be extremely useful. Not everyone will have the same strategies, this just happens to be mine and I feel it would be useful for others.

In order to help myself mentally I like to help myself physically first. Drinking tea or a glass of water, going for a walk, getting some exercise or fuelling my body with natural foods and taking my vitamins help boost my mood.

After I have lifted my spirits and taken care of myself physically, I like to make sure that the space I am in is clean and comforting. Organizing the physical space around me, allows me to organize my thoughts and emotions. I love having a candle lit that fits my mood and makes me feel like I have my life together.

On my journey to reaching a constant state of happiness is not something that will be easy. Surrounding myself with people who love and support me will be the first and most important step. Going through this next chapter of my life, everything I do will have a purpose and will take me one step closer to achieving the life I have planned for myself.

My happiness will be in my control. Yes there will be days when I feel low and there will be days where I don't feel my best. But my mental illnesses will not hinder my life anymore.

This is the start to a journey of happiness, feeling accomplished, and getting back to doing the things I love.

If you're someone who also wants to take their happiness into your own hands feel free to message me on instagram (dthardy_) or on facebook.

I can't wait for what this journey holds and to share it with all of you.

Xo,
Dani

Pumpkin Spice Cookies

Not a normal post for me, but recently I baked some pumpkin spice cookies for my friends and wanted to share the recipe here.

To connect sharing this recipe to my passion about mental health, I think it is extremely important to do things that make you happy. I have recently rediscovered my love for baking and am so excited to continue trying new recipes for the holiday season coming up.

With that being said here is the recipe I used:

Depending on the size you want to make the cookies, this recipe will allow for you to make anywhere between 2-3 dozens

These pumpkin spice cookies also require a cream cheese frosting and I will include the recipe for that as well.

For the cookies:
1/2 cup of butter (I melted mine slightly and also used sweet cream salted butter)
1 cup of sugar
2 eggs
1 cup of pumpkin puree (I used the Ed smith brand)
2 cups of flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. of pink Himalayan salt
2 and 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ground ginger

For the cream cheese and cinnamon frosting:
1/2 cup of butter (I melted mine slightly and also used sweet cream salted butter)
8 oz. or 226g block of cream cheese
4 tsp. vanilla
4 cups of icing sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon

For the baking instructions:
1. Start by preheating the oven to 350 degrees and melting the butter slightly so it is soft then add the sugar and cream together. You will want it to be light and fluffy when you are done.
2.  Add in the 2 eggs and pumpkin puree and mix well with the butter and sugar mixture.
3. In a separate bowl, mix together all the dry ingredients
4. Then alternate between mixing the dry and liquid mixtures together (dry, liquid, dry, liquid, etc) until mixed together evenly
5. Spray cookie sheet and add batter onto cookie sheet in spoonfuls
6. Let the cookies back for approximately 15 mins and start making the cream cheese frosting
7. Allow to cool
8. Once cooled, frost the cookies

For the cream cheese frosting
1. In a large bowl, beat together the butter, cream cheese and vanilla
2. Slowly add in the icing sugar (not all at once) until mixed in evenly
3. Mix in the cinnamon
4. Frost the cookies

Enjoy,
Dani
(dthardy_)

Self Care for the Soul

When will I learn..?
When will I learn how to take care of myself before I hit my breaking point..?
When will I stop pushing myself to exhaustion and learn to take care of myself first..?
When will I learn that slapping on a face mask is not self care..?
When will I learn..?

We forget to take care of ourselves. We forget that if our mind and body are not healthy, we will not allow ourselves to reach our highest potential. You can't be your best you off three hours of sleep and a gallon of coffee. Coming home at the end of the day, throwing on a face mask and binge watching Netflix is not self care. Is it important to treat yourself to things that make you happy or are enjoyable? Absolutely. But don't kid yourself in thinking that those things will allow you to take care of yourself in the long run.

Take care of yourself. Declutter your mind and take a step back. Give yourself a moment and allow yourself to breathe. Take care of your soul. Meditate, get control of your mind, declutter all the stress and set your priorities. Quick reminder, the first thing on your list, should be YOU and your health. There is nothing more important than that. Read, allow your mind to escape its own thoughts for awhile. Read a self-help book or maybe you wanna allow yourself to get lost in your favourite romance novel. Write, all your thoughts (even the deep scary ones), write them down. Make a habit of it. Why? Because it keeps you grounded and in touch with yourself. Making a habit of writing down your thoughts, will allow you to see patterns, and it might even change your mindset throughout the day because you know you are going to have to write them down later. Let yourself feel. Your feelings are valid and no one can tell you otherwise. Be kind to yourself when you're feeling down. You're allowed to get upset but make sure when you wipe your tears you stand up even taller.

It's time. It's time to take care of yourself first. Your happiness and mental well being should always be your first priority. Detox your mind and soul. Allow yourself to feel free of any toxic energy you have created. Fill your heart with kindness to yourself

Be selfish in taking care of yourself first, be your biggest advocate. Cancel those plans, call in sick, push that appointment back. Don't make a habit of it, but if you really need it, do what is best for your sanity. Listen to yourself. What do you need? Do you need a day to catch up with your mind? If you do, take it. Don't wait for the breaking point. Don't push yourself to the point of no turning back. Take care of your soul. Take care of your well being. You're allowed to take the time for yourself without feeling bad about it.

Sometimes when we have been spiralling for so long, we forgot how the little things can ground us. We forget that drinking an extra glass or two of water a day and getting that extra hour of sleep can go a long way. Before you go to bed take some deep breaths, allow your lungs to expand and relax. Put your phone away for an hour or two a day. Use that time to detox from social media and take in what is around you. Go for a walk, read, or listen to an inspiring podcast. There are so many different things you can do to detox your mind and reground yourself. Life is crazy and busy as hell which makes it even more important that you take the time for yourself. Be selfish in the act of self care.

Self care for your soul:
Get a night routine going that includes going to bed early
Keep your sleep schedule as consistent as possible
Fill your body with the nutrients it needs to perform the best it can
Take time to reflect on how you're feeling
Speak to yourself with kindness and patience, you're doing the best that you can

Slapping on a face mask and eating a pint of ice cream might make you feel better for a little while but it will not solve your problems long term.

Take care of your soul first. Take care of the essence of your being first. How you treat you mind will reflect in the success of your life. Take your self care seriously. Find a balance.

You got this.

XO,
Dani
(@dthardy_)

A Journal Entry

I want to share a journal entry in hopes that others (and myself) will realize they are not alone. We are not always going to have the answers. We are not always going to figure things out. Its okay to be sad sometimes as long as your trying to figure out how to get back to being happy. I can be so negative towards myself sometimes and its honestly really frustrating to look at. It bothers me that I haven't figured this out yet, and I may never have it totally figured out. But thats life. Life is always changing and were never going to have it ALL figured out. And maybe one day I will find comfort in knowing that I won't have it all figured out all the time. Allowing myself to not feel stressed about not having it together will be one of the biggest challenges I will face.

This part I took from my journal was from a time recently when I felt I wasn't good enough. After writing my feelings and slowly changing my perspective, it eventually got me out of the spiral I was in. By sharing these notes I hope it will help others out of their spiral too.

"Sometimes I catch myself in a negative spiral that I can't get out of.

My self talk becomes extremely negative and I become so hard on myself to the point where I don't feel good enough for anything

It feels like I am drowning and I can't catch a break to come up for air

I don't always understand why I feel like this

Sometimes I notice similar triggers, and other times it feels completely out of the blue

How is it that sometimes I feel as though I am the most confident person in the world and other times I feel like a waste of space - how do I fix this?

How can I change my self talk quicker so that I am not constantly putting myself down for weeks?

I would be so mad at my friends and family if I ever heard them talk about themselves the way I talk about myself - so why the hell am I talking to myself this way?

I need a better plan to get myself out of this cycle - I need to be nicer to myself

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow I will take steps forward instead of backwards. Tomorrow I will be nicer to myself"

This part of my journal entry I wanted to share to help others realize that it is okay to not always have it together. Positive self-talk is an important skill to have, however, I don't believe it is something that can be completely mastered. There will be some days where you doubt yourself, and that is okay because we can't be perfect all the time. Its difficult to allow yourself to be okay with having bad days but it is part of life. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start, so get up and try again.

xo,
Dani

Take A Breath

Something I am really bad at is over reacting to a negative situation because my anxiety and panic attacks kick in before I even give myself time to process it.

Have you ever got bad news or reacted poorly when something was sprung on you that you weren't expecting?
Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't feel welcome or you just didn't fit in?
Because I have and these are the times when I am overwhelmed with panic and anxiety.

When one of those things occur I respond in the worst way possible. In a way I can't control all time time.
I have an anxiety attack or a panic attack.
A Sports psychologist told me that the difference between an anxiety attack and a panic attack, is that the panic attack you can feel coming, it is something you can anticipate.
BUT...
Just because you can anticipate it, doesn't always means it is easier to control.
The only difference between the two is the emotional symptoms.
The physical symptoms are the same; Your heart begins to race as if it is going to beat right out of your chest and there is nothing you can do to calm it down. But there is, take a breath. Chest hurts, and you can't breath because your chest is tight and you feel like there is no air yet. But there is, put your hand on your chest and take a breath. Feel like you can't talk or tell anyone what's going on? Thats because your throat feels tight and has closed up. This also affects that feeling we just talked about, where you feel like you can't breathe. Close your mouth, and breathe in through your nose. Take a breath. Do you get dry mouth, the chills but your also sweating? Do you feel like you could throw up or your head is pounding or that you might pass out? Or maybe even all three? Me too. So lets do it together this time, take a breath.

When your having an anxiety or panic attack the first thing you need to try and get control of is your breathing. Trust me I HATE it when people tell me to just breathe and I am going to be okay. But when someone is telling you to breathe or telling you you're going to be okay, or maybe they are even telling you that you're going to get through it together... this means they CARE about you! They WANT you to be okay. So listen to their voice or the voice in your head and take a breath.

One thing I have never been a fond of is breathing exercises. I hate them, I find them annoying, I feel like I don't have time for them but guess what? They are good for me and they are good for you too. Panic attacks and anxiety attacks suck but the quicker you get the breathing under control the quicker you can control the attack all together.

On an emotional level these attacks are quite different. Panic attacks include fear, the feeling of losing control of yourself, and a this sense of detachment. Remind yourself that you are in control of your life. Write it down. Write down all the things you can control. If you feel detached, write down everything that makes you feel attached. Read your words over and over again. If you can't write them then think in your head over and over again about the things you can control and whatever it is that makes you feel attached and I'll say it again, take a breath. Anxiety is more complicated. With anxiety you are dealing with distress, worry, restlessness, fear, and all those ideas in your head about the future that haven't even happened yet. Your anxiety is lying to you, and I know how hard it is to see it in the moment which is why it is so important to be prepared for when an anxiety attack comes. I still struggle a lot with anxiety and attacks. Something I found to be very helpful in the moment is to have an album of photos on your phone that have significant meaning to you, and quotes help a lot as well. I find this helps because it will remind you what is real and what is important to you. I find going for a walk or run also helps me and having a positive playlist or podcast ready to go at all times.

There are some days where you are too tired to control your anxiety and that is okay. We aren't going to win all the time. But as long as you get back up and keep fighting once you're ready then there is nothing wrong with that. I think we need to be more caring towards ourselves and know that it is okay to not win the fight all the time. Just keep breathing and keep fighting because you will win more battles than not.

Anxiety and panic attacks are tough, but you are tougher. Remind yourself how strong you are. Surround yourself with positive people.

You will be okay, I promise.
XO - Dani

To live by the sun, and love by the moon

What does it mean to live by the sun and love by the moon?

Lets get down to the basics of why I have decided to name my blog after this concept: 

This concept is not something I came up with on my own, but I took the main ideas so I could shape it into a meaning that I could personally relate to. I wanted to embody all that I was passionate about in life. I wanted this concept to illustrate the life I want to live. I needed a small phrase that would capture and express all that I am striving for in this crazy thing we call life. So lets dive a bit deeper into what this phrase means and why I wanted to create a blog encompassing all that inspires me.

To live by the sun:

For me, the sun represents this rebirth of infinite possibilities and opportunities. Its this idea that light can give you the positive energy to take advantage of the new day that is before you. The sun comes back every day because it wants you to take on the world. Each day is full of possibilities to reach new limits and push your boundaries. This representation of rebirth and light, can give you the positivity to overcome any obstacles. The sun wants to see you succeed, even if that means you fail a few times first. To live by the sun, you can think logically and plan your road map to success. Your road map to success does NOT need to be perfect, you can run off the road a few times and that is okay. Reset. Find your emotions, collect them and start over. You are going to be okay because when the sun rises again you will continue fighting for your dreams so that at the end of the day you are reaching for the stars. Let the light bring you warmth and comfort. Live in the rebirth of possibilities and countless opportunities, you will find your way, I promise. 

To love by the moon:

This is simple really, there is light in the dark. Stop always looking at the negative because deep down you can find something positive. To love yourself through all that you consider flawed and imperfect. The moon shines in the darkness, and it is so incredibly beautiful and it is this beauty that we find on the darkest nights that also lives inside of you. Through your darkest, most painful times, you can still find the beauty in life, you just have to look for it. The moon is said to represent our emotions. We are to allow ourselves to feel all the waves and all the emotions that rush over us in a day. The moon wants you to feel, it wants you to take risks in your life, and to know there will always be something good to come out of the bad. It represents the light in the dark, it is the light we see at the end of the tunnel, because the sun will rise again. The moon allows us to feel so that when the sun rises again, we are ready, ready to take on the next opportunity and to reach the next goal. To love by the moon is too love and find comfort in darkness, to feel deeply and to ultimately pursue the life you want, when the sun rises again. 

Life is ALL about perspective. If you are someone who thinks super negatively most of the time (don't worry I've been there too), then this is going to take a lot of work. You are consciously going to have to be aware of your thoughts and make the effort to put a more positive spin on them. 

Life will never be easy, but it is through your perspective that will determine what you get out of life. 

Make sure you are getting what you want, 

XO- Dani